11.The Houseplant Song
Once I read a book
And this is what it said
If your music has a beat
Then you're gonna wind up dead
It doesn't really matter if
it's Christian or not
If it's syncopated rhythm
then your soul is gonna rot
And this book was called
'Ha! You're Gonna Burn'
And in the second chapter
I went on to learn
Take two houseplants
And put them to the test
Set them both in front of speakers
And let the music do the rest
The first one you play Mozart
Or something lovely like that
The second one you play that Petra
Or that MegaDeth
Doesn't really matter what kind of rock it is.
So I took my two houseplants
And I put them to the test
Set them both in front of speakers
To let the music do the rest
I powered up my Pioneers
To let the music roar
But twenty minutes later
Someone's knocking at my door
I opened up my door
And there my neighbor stood
He said, 'Man I'd like to get some sleep
If you think I could'
I said, 'Man, can't you see here
I've got this moral dilemma that
I got to get clear.'
He said, 'What kind of moral dilemma
Could you have at this time of night
That could make me so angry
That I just want to fight.'
So I pointed to the page
In that open book
That had a picture of a potted plant
And I said, 'Go have a look.'
And he read
Take two houseplants
And put them to the test
Set them both in front of speakers
And let the music do the rest
The first one you play Mozart
Or something lovely like that
The second one you play that Petra
Or that MegaDeth.
Doesn't really matter what kind of rock it is.
First of all he said,
'That's Wagner that you're playing
I've never heard of Petra
And isn't Megadeth all dead.'
And secondly, emphatically,
He asked me, 'What's the sense
of hanging out with houseplants
when, hey, I live right across the fence.'
And I thought to myself
You know, that's a good point
So I took my two houseplants,
and I put them both back outside
And me and my neighbor
Well, we went out for a drive
We talked about all the things
That really matter most
Like life and love and happiness
And then the Holy Ghost
And now my two houseplants
They sit out in the sun
As for me and my neighbor
Well our friendship has become
A meaningful relationship
That's headed straight to heaven
But as for now
We like to sit around and listen
to Audio Adrenaline
Cranked to eleven.
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